I swear my life is in a downward spiral. It just feels like I have no control over anything and I am tired of eveything I try failing. And everything seems to fail for reasons beyond my control . Its like I have death fingers. Sorry for being so depressing but i use this blog as a means to vent to get stuff of my chest. If not for this blog id probably implode.
I think I have finally made the decision to cut my dad out of my life completely. He is like Poison he treats me like shit and always has. Let me just give a recap. My parents divorced in 1994. My mum basically supported me and my siter by herself without his help. He would go to the St Lucia Jazz Festival every year and to Dominica to see his shitty father, he'd even go see his girlfirends parents in St Vincent but he didnt visit us EVER!!! Basically in short hes a scumbag. I came to England Knowing this and I knew wed never be close but I had at least imagined that it would be possible to establish some sort of relationship... I was wrong... I dont think he even knows how to be nice... I think im a nice happy person and being near him makes me feel horrible... hes a life ruiner....Just being around him i feel like im sacrificing a part of myself. I cant pretend to like him anymore I have tried so hard for so long and its eating me up inside. SO i must stop pretending.
Its not good for me.
I think My biggest weakness in life is not knowing when to give up on lost causes.
I actually think my relationship with my father has had a direct impact on my relationships with other guys.I actually hate being friends with other guys. Most of my friendships with guys have ended negatively and I Mean really negatively. In contrast i get along well with women and most of my close friends are women.
I sound like an Anti-Freudian. "Your father is the root cause of all Evil"
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